this should be obvious stuff

Advice for today:
DON'T chew on staples. You could chip a tooth.

danger, danger

I think my pancreas/kidneys/appendix are failing because my body is all "Okay. Now we're going to hurt HERE" and I have shooting pains in random places here and there where those organs MIGHT be.
In any case, tell me important things now because my organs are teaming up to kill me.
(Help.)